Tuesday, January 5, 2010
{ 10:01 AM }
heyhey ppl,hope u guys r enjoying ur 2010,unlike mi.my tis yr seem 2 hav started of as bad as last yr.i was so so happy on tis day..new day new yr...had plans wanted 2 enjoy nd make it much betta than last.so at least i cn 4get wat happen the last 1.cos i cn rmb everyting every single the like it was yst.apparently i am nt the only 1 who rmb..tat i was amazed at.ppl start of the new yr on a happy keys but guess wat mine was the total opposite.i started it off by bleeding maself dry,drowning maself in tears nd to a unspeakable/mute yr.i cnt believe it.how much i hate it so much.hw much i wish to diappear fr this world,vanish into thin air,go missing.i seem to have lost everything.well,i have been gd at tat only i guess.slowly losing friends.1 by 1.then losing in relationships.then lost my dearest eldest bro.then lost ma relatives 1-by 1.then lost ma job,concentration,focus,aim.nw,lost m only bro left nd maybe ma parents.Jus seem 2 hav lost so much more then i hav gt back in return.So much has happened.i jus dunno wat 2 do or say anymore.jus really wish i cld scream nd shout.i wna be heard.but it will nvr happen.so right nw,jus left mi alone.let mi cry cry cry...until ma tears run dry.So much i hav done.the more i try nd hold on 2 tings tighter the more it seems 2 be slipping away.i feel like hurting maself more cos the pain i put on maself is nth compare to wat i hav gone thru nd am gng thru.I DUNNO WAT TO DO.i wna run away fr all of tis.the hand tat wants to hold mi thru isn’t strong enought yet the 1 tat is,i am afraid 2 hold.i feel unless nd helpless.. all i am capable of is crying nd slping.how much more pathetic cn i get.but i really dunno wat 2 do or say anymore.feel like jus turning mute 2 the whole world.not wanting to answer or reply 2 any1.dun wan 2 tok 2 any1 abt these thing.
Hope ma parents nd bro is happy 2 c mi bleeding nd watching tears roll down ma face nite aft nite.i am shaken by u,but ...idk.i cant leave him nd u seem 2 gd 2 be truth.idk idk idk.....i am jus so upset nd so shaken by everyting.so confused...so much has changed...SO SO MUCH!!gng away fr who i am.contradicting maself over nd over again.enough is enough.
i dun wish things 2 carry on like tis at the same time dun wish 2 give up. But i am so alone...tats it i have gt 2 say i dun wish to talk abt tis if u c mi outside.it wld be the last ting i wna tok abt.anyway tis wk still kinda is hols 4 mi cos of the whole open hse nd everyting...but still busy here nd thr.anyway wateva it is smilez brightens every1 days.so rmb 2 keep smiling always. yup really tired alr...i guess i gna go slp nw.nitez.cheers=)
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