Sunday, January 31, 2010
{ 3:32 AM }
i have been moody tis few days.so f-ing pissed wif certain ppl.they jus tink tat things revolve arnd them only nd ppl hav 2 cater to them.wth..so annoyed...aaahhhh...jus so tired of these ppl being like tat.dun worry i cn leave without u.tis few days has been thinking days 4 mi.i have decided i am nt gna be a selfish person anymore.nd perharps it is time to 4give nd 4get.lets jus c how tat goes.anyway,once everyting is settled,i am gna do wat i wan.on the selfish part i am nt gna keep baby to maself instead i will limit maself to c-ing him only abt 3 times a wk only.the rest of the days wld be for him 2 spend wif his frenz.nd it is a must.i dun wan to sound like the bad guy,denying him of his frenz.been feeling realli terrible tis few days.ma ear hurts like crazy nd i keep having headache nd cramps.aahhh....so tired.
i was tinkin maybe i wna be away on ma bdae.overseas,away fr here.relax, CHILLING.nd jus takin a break without any1 nd all...jus alone.peace nd quiet.
ppl all r like horses they all tink in 1 point of view no room for if,maybe or a reason or explanation y smth is the way it is.conclusion r jumped to.it gets annoying aft awhile nd u jus tend go hmm yea oh sry ok thx.cos u cant be bothered anymore.idk y..but i jus feel tired.wish i cld fast forward in life.i wna do well.be realli weel off nd show them wat i am worth,payback hw they treated mi.
head hurts.am gna go off 2 rest.take care hav fun..nd happy bdae SAM=)!!!haha
Labels: tired
Thursday, January 21, 2010
{ 9:33 AM }
heyhey....2day pon school in the morning to hav breakfast wif kh.nd yessss....we had the kfc waffles omg yay finally..then headed to school for POA omg tink i gna flunk the test.tutorial was so slack.then did the feedback.dint expect 2 end so early.apparently carol nd delfin jacked mi 2day.anyway it rained heavily but thank god during my practical lesson it was nt.lesson 2day again was like slack jus drive arnd amk AGAIN!!sian alr...
anyway am toking to kh abt his bro nw.the more i comfort his the more i feel god was unfair.he shld hav let mi go wen i wanted 2 nd nt bring ma parents so much nonsense.i hav done so much more worst then him.infact i actualli tink cos of those tings mi nd ma eldest bro r like tat.cos kh was like him.instead kh said if punching him wld wake him up i guess i cn understand wat sukh tot wen he did tat 2 mi.but dun tink it is a gd idea.if u cn c nw.SO SO SO much more i have done yet i hav been punished so lil...i deserve to be hanged or smth.wat kind of daughter,sister am i.yet..jus tis minor cases cn make kh so mad.i cant imagine ma parents nd ma bros.wat they are tinkin of mi...i dun dare to tink.i feel like i shld nt even be here.idk wat else 2 say.suddenly feel so lose.like everyting jus hitting mi back once more.Flashback.anyway....kh i tink u shld jus be patience wif ur bro...hang out wif him then tok 2 him..explain things 2 him.he is nt as bad as u tink.tink wif a calm mind nd nt wen u r full of anger...learn 2 understand him nd all.no matter wat u guys r a family nd will stick tgt as a family.family are oso like couples.u guys quarrel,'break-Up'in family terms would be nt tok 2 each other.but jus tink hw long will more do u guys hav tgt being like tis...u all gna be 21 tis yr then few yrs u 2will be married nd move away nd in a yr only hw many times then will mit up.it wont be the same anymore.tink it over k.no 1 is perfect nd no 1 cn read minds.
Song of the day:simple plan-Perfect(love tis song cos it bring tears 2 ma eyes)
Labels: i am the most horrible creature.
Monday, January 18, 2010
{ 6:19 AM }
idk wats wrong...but thr certainly is weirdness..if tis is hw things is gna be aft everything then fine by mi..i respect ur choice nd will give u ur space.jus take care of urself nd rest well pls.anyway moving on to 2day.
2day was like nas's jeaolous day..haha..she jeolous tat i have a bf then jealous i always spend time wif him.haha then jealous i finish ma econs alr...haha dunno y we keep jacking each other.then she jealous cos gt these few guys walked by pass us then 1 of them tld the other eh the red 1 nt bad in malay then nas was like wth then she tld mi..then i say y u jealous ah..haha then she was like aaahhh wateva la u blah blah blah blah...hahaa..funny sia.then she walk pass then nd say i dun need to be jealous of u cos og guys HUH!!haha like purposely to them it was realli funny u has 2 be thr.had POM presentation this morning.every1 dint 1 their apples so it was mostly the guys eating the apples.then i had 3 hrs off break.omg haha..then had POM lecture which ended early oso but mr tan wanted to c us.stay in school til 5.50 helpin nas wif her work.then headed to ssdc for the drving lesson.did vertical parking.so-so nt bad.then jus drive arnd again.BORING!!!haha aft lesson i expected smth but perharps i was totally wrong.i had ma hopes up the whole day tat u wld appear but no.nd the whole day is like being forced on u.then i had 2 go back blk E cos i left ma lappie thr wif nas.i stayed on watched the dance nd all..wei yee is crazy.haha watch their dance like watchin comedy like tat.haha..funny.left abt 9.reached home like 9.30-9.40.yup ate nd watching supernatural.yay....whhheee...busy busy wk.a team installation reharsal tmr then wed is installation nd effective test then thur gt POA test nd driving...OMG!!!die liao.
Labels: busy to the brim
Sunday, January 17, 2010
{ 6:59 AM }
heyhey...it has been long since i last posted.anyway...its been up nd down...until still nt realli talkin to any1 at home.keeping mute..emo-ish...rushing thru projs nd doing work nd all...well nw i hav 1 more problem 2 had...i hav 2 mak a decision..i dunno wat to 2.hw 2 choose.i cant deceive maself anymore.lie or keep hiding it.its enuff...but still idk hw...i dun wan 2 lose either 1.but then.HOW HOW HOW!!!
anyway bay's bdae was a BBBBBBBBLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!super duper uuuuuber FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNN....yupyup..so glad she enjoyed it.
Labels: is tis the end??
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
{ 10:01 AM }
heyhey ppl,hope u guys r enjoying ur 2010,unlike mi.my tis yr seem 2 hav started of as bad as last yr.i was so so happy on tis day..new day new yr...had plans wanted 2 enjoy nd make it much betta than last.so at least i cn 4get wat happen the last 1.cos i cn rmb everyting every single the like it was yst.apparently i am nt the only 1 who rmb..tat i was amazed at.ppl start of the new yr on a happy keys but guess wat mine was the total opposite.i started it off by bleeding maself dry,drowning maself in tears nd to a unspeakable/mute yr.i cnt believe it.how much i hate it so much.hw much i wish to diappear fr this world,vanish into thin air,go missing.i seem to have lost everything.well,i have been gd at tat only i guess.slowly losing friends.1 by 1.then losing in relationships.then lost my dearest eldest bro.then lost ma relatives 1-by 1.then lost ma job,concentration,focus,aim.nw,lost m only bro left nd maybe ma parents.Jus seem 2 hav lost so much more then i hav gt back in return.So much has happened.i jus dunno wat 2 do or say anymore.jus really wish i cld scream nd shout.i wna be heard.but it will nvr happen.so right nw,jus left mi alone.let mi cry cry cry...until ma tears run dry.So much i hav done.the more i try nd hold on 2 tings tighter the more it seems 2 be slipping away.i feel like hurting maself more cos the pain i put on maself is nth compare to wat i hav gone thru nd am gng thru.I DUNNO WAT TO DO.i wna run away fr all of tis.the hand tat wants to hold mi thru isn’t strong enought yet the 1 tat is,i am afraid 2 hold.i feel unless nd helpless.. all i am capable of is crying nd slping.how much more pathetic cn i get.but i really dunno wat 2 do or say anymore.feel like jus turning mute 2 the whole world.not wanting to answer or reply 2 any1.dun wan 2 tok 2 any1 abt these thing.
Hope ma parents nd bro is happy 2 c mi bleeding nd watching tears roll down ma face nite aft nite.i am shaken by u,but ...idk.i cant leave him nd u seem 2 gd 2 be truth.idk idk idk.....i am jus so upset nd so shaken by everyting.so confused...so much has changed...SO SO MUCH!!gng away fr who i am.contradicting maself over nd over again.enough is enough.
i dun wish things 2 carry on like tis at the same time dun wish 2 give up. But i am so alone...tats it i have gt 2 say i dun wish to talk abt tis if u c mi outside.it wld be the last ting i wna tok abt.anyway tis wk still kinda is hols 4 mi cos of the whole open hse nd everyting...but still busy here nd thr.anyway wateva it is smilez brightens every1 days.so rmb 2 keep smiling always. yup really tired alr...i guess i gna go slp nw.nitez.cheers=)
Labels: i'm gone.
